Don’t Look Down

 

His mind was full of secrets
His thoughts were full of fear
His heart was feeling empty
Help never did appear

The thoughts that swirled inside me
The secrets that I hid
All went against the life I lived
I knew He would forbid

No one could give guidance
This option seemed the only way
But never will he see the pain
Or stain he left today

I'm sorry I couldn't live that life
I was so alone and afraid
I tried so hard to talk to Him
He never listened when I prayed

People often ask
"Is there more we could have done?
Is there more we should have said
Or had the fear already won?"

I tried so hard to talk to you
I didn't think you heard me calling --
Shouting for your help in this
So I could walk...and finish crawling.

Standing outside in the rain
All he asked for was protection
Of all the empathy he searched for
He only got rejection

I went to them for guidance
They knew not what to say
Your help was all that worked for me
Your words got me through another day

I stand here today
And try to figure out
How to make this work
But I keep coming back to doubt.

Now I know how he had felt --
To try and find solutions --
To have more questions than his answers
and result in more confusion

I'm sorry I couldn't help you.
I'm sorry I caused you pain.
I'm sorry I didn't understand.
I'm sorry I couldn't explain.

I wish you were here.
I wish you were here.
I wish this could change.
I wish you were near.

Maybe one day it'll make sense.
Maybe one day you will see.
Maybe one day I'll look back

and see that all you really needed...was me.

'Twas  the night before Christmas
when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
not even a mouse

Okay, that's a lie
There's a mouse inside me
Squeaking and squealing
of what can and can't be

I try to shut it out
I try to ignore
Bells ring in my head
All's turned in to war

The Christmas tree shines
The stockings hang above fire
But nothing can distract me
from all of my desires

It started with pumpkins
And lived to see snow
It hasn't weakened at all
but instead it just grows

Grows above the houses
all covered in light
Grows past the bare trees
of this cold winter's night

I want to move on
I want to forget...
No, that's a lie
I'm not ready just yet

It gives a strange sort of comfort
painful as it may be
and keeps me happy
but my thoughts disagree

The Christmas tree reminds me
from the shine of the light
My thoughts and emotions
of what happened that night

Its over and done with
not likely to reoccur
Because as much as I hope
Not everything can go the way I prefer

'Twas  the night before Christmas
when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
except for this mouse...