Don’t Look Down

I still haven't said what I've been trying to say. Well -- I haven't exactly been "trying". Its been more between the whole feelings vs thoughts thing.
All I really have to do is press the Call button and keep the phone to my ear.
Then again, I've gotten that far... Then the words that come out aren't the ones I called for.

I'm so distracted by everything.
My most recent test grade: 8/100
I'm fucking up school.
I'm fucking up my life.

My life is going to turn out completely different than I want it to -- in more ways than one.
I don't want the life I know I'll get.
That's the thought that's always going through my head and controlling my actions...until I pick up the phone and realize everything will be okay...
I hate myself.