![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Don’t Look Down
A Story of Evolution
When I'm Alone, No One Hears Me Cry
Posted on 3/14/08 at 06:29 pmI Feel: disappointed
I'm Listening To: Courage // Superchick
I just got home 15 minutes ago.
Ring Dance is tonight. How do I spend my Friday?
Well, it starts with attending a full day of school when I could have left after 5th period. I had rehearsal and didn't want to skip after I missed Monday's rehearsal. Bad fucking idea. The whole time, I thought I was about to throw up. I walked out of rehearsal numerous times with the intentions of getting rid of the feeling. Instead I ended up going to the bathroom and rinsing my face a few times.
After rehearsal, I'm sitting outside. My parents are both at least an hour away. I asked around for rides.. By 5, everyone is gone. There is literally no one outside other than me. I called around for my friends to give me a ride...nobody could. I had to wait for one of my parents. Audrey returns my call after she didn't pick up. She asked if I was okay. I said yeah. I hung up about a minute later.
I don't even know what happened. I just started crying like a fucking idiot. I was outside, in public, with nobody around, crying like an ass. Its one of the most pathetic things I've ever done. I just felt really alone. I hate being alone. I can't handle it.
My ride makes it by 6.
I should have left school after 5th period.
I turned down more plans. I'm sitting home tonight.
Ring Dance is tonight. How do I spend my Friday?
Well, it starts with attending a full day of school when I could have left after 5th period. I had rehearsal and didn't want to skip after I missed Monday's rehearsal. Bad fucking idea. The whole time, I thought I was about to throw up. I walked out of rehearsal numerous times with the intentions of getting rid of the feeling. Instead I ended up going to the bathroom and rinsing my face a few times.
After rehearsal, I'm sitting outside. My parents are both at least an hour away. I asked around for rides.. By 5, everyone is gone. There is literally no one outside other than me. I called around for my friends to give me a ride...nobody could. I had to wait for one of my parents. Audrey returns my call after she didn't pick up. She asked if I was okay. I said yeah. I hung up about a minute later.
I don't even know what happened. I just started crying like a fucking idiot. I was outside, in public, with nobody around, crying like an ass. Its one of the most pathetic things I've ever done. I just felt really alone. I hate being alone. I can't handle it.
My ride makes it by 6.
I should have left school after 5th period.
I turned down more plans. I'm sitting home tonight.
There Are Days When I'm Not Okay
Posted on 3/14/08 at 06:56 pmI Feel: afraid
I'm Listening To: Courage // Superchick
I did it again when I got home. It made the thoughts and feelings go away but it made me feel worse about myself. I'm such a fucking idiot.
Right now, I just feel alone and nobody cares what I do...so why should I? I'm thinking if I'm left alone, I don't need to worry about letting people down.
I feel like I rely on other people to control my actions for me because I can't do it myself.
I'm such a fucking idiot. I hate myself so much.
I have a phone. I'm trying to get myself to use it.
Right now, I just feel alone and nobody cares what I do...so why should I? I'm thinking if I'm left alone, I don't need to worry about letting people down.
I feel like I rely on other people to control my actions for me because I can't do it myself.
I'm such a fucking idiot. I hate myself so much.
I have a phone. I'm trying to get myself to use it.