Don’t Look Down

Today was the last day to order Ring Dance tickets.
So I'm officially not going. I wasn't going to go in the first place...but I was thinking about it.
I'd much rather stay home anyways.
I hate going out. I never have a good time, especially in the recent months.
Ring dance is lame. I don't really like a lot of the sophomores anyways. The thought of who I would actually speak to came across my mind. I'm not really in the mood to sit around with people and not even say anything. That's always what happens. I somehow end up with a group of people that I don't 100% feel like being with, so I just sit around and play with my phone or something.
I get nervous when I'm around a lot of people so I usually get away. At parties I'm almost always outside, away from everyone. I feel like I'm being judged. I don't know exactly why. When there are a lot of people, I feel like its harder to fit in. Its like, out of a few hundred, at least one of them will see through me...One of them will see that I'm lying.
I'm just paranoid. Then again, I haven't had any solid reasons over the last few months why I should trust others.
If I ended up going, I would get nauseous. It gets really bad in two places: school and crowded areas (especially when I know others there). Ring dance would be a double whammy. And I know I wouldn't be able to control myself against my nauseousness, no matter how much I thought about people telling me I need to stop.
Bottom line is: I'm not going to ring dance.
Basically, I think I made a good choice.