Don’t Look Down

I've been thinking about what XO said to me...about what I've been doing.
I've been doing this to get rid of everything that's been hurting me.
I don't know. She messaged me saying she knows what I'm doing and hopes I'll stop.
She said that it doesn't help. It only makes things worse for myself. She asked me to explain how doing what I'm doing could possibly help.

My stomach is in knots. It feels like its doing flips. I always feel like I'm about to throw up.
What I do fixes that and makes me feel better, physically.
My thoughts are always taking over. I never stop thinking about what really hurts me. I'm so overwhelmed by everything I'm up against.
What I do fixes that and makes me feel better, emotionally.
It helps me by getting rid of my nerves...and the shaking...and the rocking back and forth...and the stomach pains...and the headaches...and the crying. But it also helps me forget about the bigger problem and focus on something else. I feel like when I do it, I'm letting everything out, physically and emotionally. I feel like there's something I'm in control of.

That's what I said to her. She replied back telling me that if I keep it up, it'll soon turn in to the "bigger problem". She said that its going to make my physical symptoms worse because it causes "permanent damage" and it'll fuck me up worse emotionally. She says I'll become addicted to it. Whatever. I don't really like speaking with her. I feel very invaded with my privacy. I'm not addicted.
Its just a temporary thing until this all blows over.

The thing is, it won't blow over if I don't say anything...