Don’t Look Down

That was the worst day of my life.

I'm so glad its over. My stomach feels like its going up and down a fucking elevator.
Last night, I did what I've been trying to do for the past two weeks because it was the only thing that would make me feel better. Unfortunately it didn't do anything but take everything I've been trying to get away from and shove it in my face. I know that's not how it was meant to come across but I didn't get the comfort I was looking for. I'm running out of options.  I hate feeling so depressed and hurt all the time.
"Talking" didn't help...not even a little bit...and that just scares the shit out of me.

Gemini: Keep things in perspective. Will what's bothering you now still upset you in 10 years, or even 10 months?



YES.

Constantly crying
Barely functional...
Nauseousness
Alone
Having no desire to talk
Fear of everything
Feeling helpless
Tired
Difficulty sleeping
Absolutely no appetite
Change in weight
Constant headaches

Is that depression? If it is, I think I have it.

Everyone's given up on me...
"I'm finished with you."
"im done tlaking about this. i put myself in this now im stepping out"
"i dont hate you but i think you need to talk to someone, and ive given up on trying"

I don't care if I write this in here: I'm not even sure if you still read this or if you've given up on that too but I want to say that you were the only one that really helped -- I know that probably sounds weird. I actually listen to what you have (or had) to say to me...even when it seemed like I was only arguing. And what you said always made me feel better for some reason.
I'm sorry if I can't force a smile on my face anymore. Everyone walked away...except for Emma. I still have Emma. I still have someone.
But at the same time, I don't have anyone...
I don't want a therapist. I don't want a stranger.
I want what I had before--someone to go to when no one else understood.