Don’t Look Down

Q: What is one thing you struggle to describe?
 
Basically, my emotions.
Why I've been acting the way I've been, How I really feel as opposed to how I come across, Why I say the things I do.
Most of the things people conclude is wrong. Actually, nobody has gotten anything right about me. Nobody really understands. I just can't describe it.
I get so fucked up because people yell at me for the way I've been acting. They yell about how I need to stop doing what I'm doing. They yell because I'm a mess.
I don't know who I am. I don't have any answers. I had to deal with rumors. I had people hate me because of what was said about me. There was some unknown person knowing my every move. People talking shit behind my back and acting the complete opposite to my face. There was nobody that actually tried to sit and listen before they said "I don't know" or started yelling at me. My friends and people I put my trust in even went around telling people what I said...
I'm paranoid because of how hard it is to figure out who I can trust. 
Can you blame me that I'm fucked up? 
The only person that really understood me and what I was going through didn't understand at all...Everything I said was later used against me just to prove that I'm fucked up. It sucks that I can't say anything without it coming back around and smacking me across the face.
I don't need professional help. I'm not suicidal. I wouldn't have resorted to nearly as much as I have if the thing that started this didn't get out to people. Everything that came from it fucked me up.
I'm not sitting here fucking stalking people. That hurt...alot.
I'm just sitting here trying to level out...but writing about it can't even help me anymore.

That's the best I can describe it.