Don’t Look Down

I've never been so torn about so many things.
Everything I do has opposing thoughts.
I don't have a definite answer for anything...

I try not to think about how I'm feeling...and I thought it was working.
But during rehearsal, people point out how much I'm shaking...
People actually ask me if I have like, an illness or something.

I was literally approached by 6 or 7 different people throughout the day begging me to do the Limelight show. I don't get it... Its not like I'm good or anything. Normally I don't like to name-drop on here just because the person might read it...but, what's even weirder is that one of those people that told me to audition was AJ. He overheard Jaime during lunch, begging me to sign-up. Maybe Emma said something to him? He was there when she was telling me to audition too...
AJ: Like, yeah, you should do it...Its not like, time-consuming or anything. There aren't any actual rehearsals for another few months.
Me: I don't know...I don't really want to.
AJ: Yeah you do...you just don't want to audition. (Direct quote from Emma)
Me: Well...I can't. I don't know.
AJ: You did Redhead...
Me: Yeah but that was forever ago...
AJ: But it wasn't really. It wasn't even 3 months ago. Have things really changed that much since then?...

You know you're fucked up when AJ starts making sense.
 
I grabbed an audition form. 
I'm still not sure if I should put my name on the list.