Don’t Look Down

I definitely write in my journal more than most. I probably annoy a good handful of people. I just have a lot to say...

I just need a hook-up. Nothing important...I just need to feel something. 
Guy or girl, it honestly doesn't matter. I don't want to be so brain-washed on confusion, as contradicting as that sounds. Honestly, I don't even care who the person is...as long as they're attractive, duh.
But, how do you actually find someone? I've wondered that for so long... Like, just walk through the mall and spot someone? I mean, what happened in October wasn't exactly an everyday situation. What happened in November was only a coincidence that I happened to come across. Other than that, I don't have like, a strategy for this... 
I don't even think that hooking up with a person would really help me at all. Most people think it would and a lot of people tell me to do it. The thing is, when I hook up with someone, I don't know if what I'm doing it out of attraction or just to hook up. I suppose if I knew the person...and had feelings for them....I would feel something. But if its a stranger, I can't decide if its a "whatever" thing or a "you're fucking hot".  
I think it was something more in the October situation because I like them and I wanted it to happen. I was also kind of expecting it...
The November situation -- I didn't feel anything. I mean, it was fun...I guess but it wasn't really a "wow" moment. Maybe because I didn't know her...or maybe because she was a 'her'...
That's why I can't base my choice off of those two hook-ups -- because one was with someone I really liked... and the other was only a stranger.