Don’t Look Down

It sucks that I talk about it at the end of January and still cry.
Its not that I'm not sad or anything...

It just hurts.

It hurts that I've been blaming myself for what happened when I didn't do anything. The only thing I'm guilty of is not knowing who I am. Because of that, I got caught up in it and did something I shouldn't have done...and that really sucks. If I had known I would be at this point, I would have denied writing any anonymous messages...  I was vulnerable and didn't know what I wanted. He didn't even stay long enough for me to actually get my answer. If I knew back then that I would go this long without a full answer, I would have gone to find another ride.
I need to find someone. I don't care who it is anymore. Girl....Guy....I don't care. I just need someone. I need something else to focus on. I need something to cover this up with. That random chic last November didn't do anything because she wasn't what I had on my mind while it was going on...
At this point, I don't care what's in the kid's pants.