Don’t Look Down

I don't even know what to say anymore.
This is such bullshit.
I appreciate everyone who's trying to help me. I really do. But...I don't need help nor did I ever ask for it. I'm not saying that you were like, wasting your time or that I was just rolling my eyes while you were trying to help me. I'm just saying that you all are getting angry at me for not "working" with you or something. You're pissed at me because you're getting nowhere. The truth is, I never asked anyone to get involved.
I kept it hidden for as long as I could. The majority of you knew like, the weekend after and you were never upset with me until I finally stopped fighting it and you all tried to make me feel better.
At this point, I'm soo over it all. I don't care anymore about what happened in October. I don't care about how I felt or how I feel. I'm over it. I've said that numerous times. For this shit to still be going on and having people dragging this along and starting more BS feels completely ridiculous.

I'm not upset that you guys tried to help me. I'm not angry that people tried to get involved. I'm just upset over the fact that I never went to anyone for help other than those 3 people -- the person that everyone knows about, and the only two people I actually told. Other than that, I never wanted to talk to anyone. I never intended for anyone to find out--at least not the amount of people that did.


You harass me about it and get on your knees begging to help me and I still said nothing happened. It wasn't until one of those two people said something that I admitted it to you. I never wanted you in this at all. If anything, I was trying to get you away. You're the reason so many people know. You started the rumors. Before you opened your mouth and told everyone, I was happy with myself and the choices I made. You're the last person to be telling me that you're sick of "dealing" with this and I need to get over it. You forced yourself in to my problems and then you just make me feel worse by telling me I'm "moping around hating life" and you hate me because you don't want to deal with my shit.

I didn't go to you for help. You forced yourself to it. You tried to get this out of me. All I did was try and get you to understand why I felt the way I did. This is what you wanted from me so deal with it or you shouldn't have bothered. Its not fair for you to turn this around and make me look like I turned to you. I had to sit here and deal with your shit, not the other way around.

This all has gone one for so much longer than it should have. It needs to end.