Don’t Look Down

It started during 1st period. I tried to focus on something else so I took out a Bio sheet I had for homework and attempted to finish the rest. It didn't work. My thoughts about what could have happened are taking over my concentration. I thought about it for a long time -- which I know I shouldn't. Within a few minutes, I get that familiar feeling in my stomach. I haven't felt it since November. Its back. I feel nauseous. Don't get me wrong, the nervousness has been around since September when everything first started. October is what brought this feeling but it went away after a few weeks. I don't know why I'm feeling it again. Its these thoughts that have been fucking with me over the last 4 months -- or 3 months -- however you want to look at it. I wish I hadn't stopped myself when it happened back in October. If I hadn't, this feeling wouldn't be here because it would have been out of my system. But I stopped so, this feeling is still here...
I consider calling to go home but realize that I need to stop running away.
I had that feeling until half-way through 6th period. It took me over 4 hours to get my mind off it.

It looks like "The Game Plan" isn't going to work. Turns out my teammates took the ball when they left. I'm just standing here for no reason.
I hate feeling like this. I mean, It happened back in October. The situation has been completely dead for almost a month now. I haven't talked to this person at all recently -- not about what happened -- not about what anyone has said -- not about what the hell is wrong with me...
So, I should be over all of this by now, right?
The person had said that when we talk, I'm cool with them but I come on here and my thoughts have like, completely changed. The thing is, when I talk to them, its probably the most I honest I have ever been with anybody. Its how I really feel...but when the conversation is over...I don't know. I start to feel like there were things that I didn't get to say or something... Its not like I was hiding anything or lying about it when we talked. I just over-analyze the situation afterwards.
I still want to talk, in person, about everything that I've felt in the past 3-4 months but its all over now -- at least to everyone else. This person doesn't give a shit about it or how I feel. I can't just bring it back up and expect someone to care.  I hate sitting here and telling all of this to no one. I hate not having the balls to talk about it. I hate sitting on my ass and wishing for something to happen. I hate wanting to do something that I will never get to do thanks to everyone making things worse. I wish I could say something...